wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
