All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
