I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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