Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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