Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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