Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
