Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
