i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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