After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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