we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
