His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
