Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
