Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
