Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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