Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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