i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
