white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
