i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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