my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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