But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
