6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Are my feet made of real feet?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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