It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
