Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just cut my nipple shaving
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
