Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
