I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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