She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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