you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
