You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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