i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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