I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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