I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
