Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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