How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
