That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
