Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
