I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
