Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This house was built for laser tag.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
