I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
