If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
