Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
