are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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