I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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