I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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