u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
