I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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