Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
