I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
