When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
