u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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