Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
