I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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