I can't watch pbs sober anymore
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
