There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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