Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
