After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
