you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
